This jet lag has finally done me in. I slept through an exam today. I can't relay the level of irresponsibility that I feel. I slept through an alarm for 8 hours. How is that possible? Surely, I'll be able to make up the exam, but I'm just so mad at myself.
Since I got back to Egypt, my body has been operating on EST, no matter what I do. I've tried to take naps, but I still haven't been able to get to sleep until around 5:30am and waking up at around 8am, with 3-5 hour "naps" peppered throughout the day. I have to take them otherwise I can't get work done. I didn't realize I had so much make-up work to do until I sat down this week to finally do it. It's ok, coming home to the States was worth it a thousand times over, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Hopefully by the end of this week I'll be able to fix my biological clock. It should be by now, I think I slept about 14 hours between 6pm last night and 2 pm today. Darci said it took her about a week and a half to get over these naps and feeling miserable, and other people who went home are going through the same thing. I doubt they slept through their exams, though.
Andrew approved both of my projects. His 2 questions: is this safe? Probably not, but we're pretty savvy and goal oriented. 2. how will you stop people from hitting on you? Excuse me? I couldn't believe what came out of his mouth. Andrew, it's an internship and I have Zenit with me. I'm a bit of a snob, and I hate it when people hit on me. Besides, if it happened, it wouldn't be anything different than what the girls go through on a daily basis on the streets of Alexandria. No worries, I'm pretty good at taking care of myself.
Zenit and I have modified our plan, which sounds safer, more fulfilling, and less daunting. We're going to be studying the political and legal aspects of gay rights in America to have a starting point of comparison with Egypt. We're going to have to study how the handful of other anthropologists have approached the study in Arab countries, because this is going to be the biggest challenge. Most of our research, however, will be independent and I suggested we just expanded it to Egypt as a whole, interviewing Egyptians in general about their attitudes about the subject and in the end, we'll just collect all the data, evaluate it, and decided what direction our thesis is going to take. I sat and talked with one of my teachers, Nahla, yesterday, about her wishes to study at a program at Oxford in women's studies, and that she was interested in queer studies. My interest was piqued, and I think it would be wise if I started with her because her interest in that field indicates to me that her perspective might be more tempered and open minded about talking about the subject. The project should shape up to be better than randomly going into Alex's only bar with a gay night and trying to do research there and recruit sources. The idea makes me cringe a bit, mostly because I don't really feel safe doing it. A room packed to the roof full of sexually oppressed Egyptian men and a blond white guy walks in. Nothing positive could come of this.
Let's see, how am I doing personally...
I'm glad I went home, there was so much positive and I never had a "bad" day. It was absolutely impossible with the amount of freedom to be me I experienced. The most important thing that I've brought back with me is that it's okay to be me in Egypt. Accommodating another culture should not go so far as to negate the justification of my own background. I should not feel like I can't live here in good conscience because these problems don't exist in the States. I'm not a foreign occupier, I am a student. I've carried over this mindset and it's so much easier to live here now. What I am having a hard time with is separation, yet again. Seeing everyone's faces, hearing their voices, holding them close, laughing with them, experiencing life with them once again was invigorating. Having to leave it all again left me longing for it again. May seems so far away, and it feels like my life is on hold. I worry about my future, I wish I had a job, I miss working. I wish I knew if I am going to U of M in the fall. I can't make any plans, whether job or living, until I know for sure. I'll be in Ann Arbor this summer for sure, but I would like to know how permanent my stay is. If I don't get in, it's gonna break my heart. At least I'll have the summer. Playing the waiting game until possibly the beginning of April is killing me. Not knowing how to plan ahead is a challenge for me right now, Egypt aside. Patience is a virtue, they say. I realize now how impatient I am when it comes to these things, and being able to have backup plans in every corner of my mind. Patience is my greatest obstacle and challenge, I've never had to wait like this before; it's so hard! This experience, no matter how exhausting, irritating, and long, is so good for me. Who couldn't use patience in Life? It's about time that I learn the hard way what that word means.
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